The Pea-brained and the Whistlers

Is it only in the US that we can’t deal with the words small, medium and large? Or, to be more specific, that we can’t deal with the words small and medium? We have to start at large and work our way up – tall, grande, venti or large, extra large and super-duper large. They mean the same thing – you’ve got three sizes, one of them is the smallest. One is the largest. The other one is in the middle. Why is it that we care what word is used? Are we really so dense that we believe that ordering a large off of a menu where large is the smallest size makes any difference over ordering a small of the same actual capacity?

More to the point, I don’t really mind what you want to call your sizes. Call them Larry, Curly and Moe for all I care. But the simple fact is, one is the smallest and one is the largest. If I order a “small”, don’t look at me like I’m a moron and say “we don’t have a small, sir”. You have at least one. Perhaps another, that’s no one’s business but your own. Get over it and fill my order.

So while we’re arguing about having a small size (or not), other people around the world have developed a language where they can communicate great distances – up to 6 miles (10 kilometers) – by whistling! Now these aren’t new languages by any means, so try to stick with me. What I’m getting at is that if those people had been hung up on what to call the distance they were able to whistle, they’d never have accomplished anything…

Goat herder Doug: “I can’t whistle more than 3 miles if I don’t try very hard. That’s easily my smallest whistle. I know what I’ll do – instead of calling that my “short” whistle, I’ll give it another name. Hmm… “medium”? Still not big enough, but if I call it “large”, how will I let people know what I mean when I use my longer whistles? What am I going to do? I just can’t call that my “small” whistle. Guess I’ll just send a carrier goat. I know, I’ll send Barney, the short-haul carrier. He can make it the 3 miles. But then they’ll think that I don’t measure up, because he’s my short-haul goat. Maybe I’ll call him my medium-haul goat. No, that’s not going to do either. I’ll just have some goat beer and forget about this mess.”

Can’t we just call a small a small?


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2 responses to “The Pea-brained and the Whistlers”

  1. Chad Everett Avatar

    I don’t really patronize Starbucks much, but that’s good to know. Thanks!

    The ones that really annoy me are when you go into McDonald’s – or some other such place – and order “small drink” and they say “we don’t have a small” or something similar. If they would even take an extra two seconds to say “our smallest size is called a ‘large’ – can I get you one of those?”, it would be fine.

    Perhaps the British fast-food locales don’t have such fun? But it’s quite annoying. Just another reason I should finally convince myself that I don’t need to stop for quite so often.

  2. Beth Avatar

    Actually, I’ve found that if you go into Starbucks, you can still order a short. Even though it’s not on the menu. Here, it costs £1.39 and they’re almost always more than happy to make one for you. You just have to know that you can ask for it.

    When I worked in a movie theatre in high school, as a candy girl, we were always told to ask customers who were buying drinks or popcorn: “Large, medium or small?” Psychologically, if you present “large” as their first option, they’re more likely to choose it. Not terribly surprising.

    I will also note that in McDonald’s, the American sizes are different than the British sizes.

    American kids = British small
    American small = British medium
    American medium = British large
    American large isn’t available.

    This is annoying to me. I like my fountain Diet Coke and a British large just doesn’t last long enough. Boo.